Southend-on-Sea, U.K. - Consternation today in the British media landscape. One of the most respected official publications in all of the United Kingdom will be forced to shut down after losing European subsidies in the wake of the Brexit from the European Union.
A statement from European Commissar for Media Affairs & Honest Reporting Jaques Meoff from Luxemburg earlier today spelled doom for the Southend News Network:
Europe can no longer afford to spend money on foreign media outlets after the Brexit so we will immediately suspend all subsidies, grants and hush money payments to all British news organisations going forward.
The news was later confirmed when a secret internal memo leaked from Cyrille Onard, a French senior civil servant in charge of European payments to the media:
TO: All staff
RE: We can finally stop paying les rosbif! Parbleu, those hippocrites say zey don't want le Euro but zey didn't seem to care if we paid zem in le Pound Sterling or in le Euro. Aahahaha, who is laughing now, you English person!
Salut et Adieu,
During a press conference later in the day Onard was seen making remarks about the ancestry of the editor in chief of the Southend News Network:
Yeah, no, that didn't really happen as you probably guessed by now.
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